From a medical student, do I:Break up? Get Married? Keep dating?
I've been dating a girl for nearly 3.5 years now. I know that's about the time to start thinking about popping the question but honestly, Im starting to question our compatibility. We are opposites in a lot of instances and I used to think that was refreshing but now I question if I could put up with that over a life time. But Im in a high stress environment so I dont want to make any rash decisions so I'm seeking the advice of others on this one. Im about to start my 3rd year in medical school and have a 3 yr residency after that, so I dont see myself leaving my high stress life anytime soon. Should I consider breaking up with her so she can enjoy her life while Im living out mine in the school library? Timeline: Spring 06 - Met at university, she was exchange student from brazil -kept dating long distance (yes, 5000 miles) with visits every few months to see each other August 08 - She moved to the city to be closer to me (still 1 hour away - mainly see each other one weekends) August 09 (next month) - we're planning on living together to see if seeing each other on a daily basis will decrease the stress caused by me having to study on weekends (which is the only time we get to see each other)
Singles & Dating - 4 Answers
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1 :
is she interested in u that seriously that she can marry u taking all that comes with u......stresssss. And I think u should go for a live in relation ship to know each other much better...that will give u the proper secnario as u both can live with each forever or not....
2 :
Yes break it off and concentrate on your medical education because stress in a relationship is not what you need right now. Best of luck to you.
3 :
I think you should have a better reason for breaking it off with her other than you're about to go through some stressful education...she might not be appreciative of that at all, and you might regret it. If the relationship is going bad and you don't enjoy it then that is a good reason for breaking it off, but if it's good for the most part with just a few disagreements then I think you'd both be more unhappy if you ended it. Bear in mind in any real long-term relationship there will be certain incompatabilities no matter what; you just need to learn to work with them. And you do not have to start thinking about marriage only 3.5 years in. It's not really all that long. Not sure how old you are, but if you're still studying you're probably quite young, so another good reason not to think about it. There's nothing wrong with waiting longer to decide these things. She should appreciate it can take time to think about this...if not, then she's probably not right for you. Think about it, marriage is 60 years with somebody, can you really know about that after 3.5 years? Some people rush into it early but that doesn't mean you have to. It's a personal choice, take as long to consider it as you want (and talk about it with her). I say keep dating her to see where things go, let it run its course...it might well get easier when you move in...also talk about it with her, ask if she can handle you under stress or if she wants to get out now...maybe she has the same uncertainties as you.
4 :
Keep dating her for awhile and see where things head. If you're in a high-stress environment, there's no sense in compounding it with thoughts of marriage. She should understand this. What she chooses to do is beyond what I can predict; but if you truly feel a connection to her and she has no objections to your schedule, don't throw away a good thing. If you think there's a chance she'll regret her decision, tell her exactly what the situation will be. If she wants to stay, let her. If she wants to leave, let her. But herein lie the turmoils of love. What if you become closer to her and she chooses to leave? What if you leave her and your plans go asunder, leaving your high-stress life suddenly calm? These are questions only time can tell. Good luck to you.
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